bored

ok ok here i am at work and just really bored cause its slow:( but while i have time i might as well write what i am feeling....well i am reading this book called desire of our hearts! its such a cute book i love it!! its by sariah s wilson....but its about alma and its fictional but you kinda understand how they felt when they had to run from the king and his men....the trials they faced...you become one with the character(like i always do in books lol) but there is this part that just sticks out to me....and he says "asking the lord to remove the pain that cut at his sould and begging for forgiveness" i should be feeling like that...i should be begging the lord to take me back...to still love me...to understand why i fell away when i have had everything givin to me...i never once was asked to give up my home, my family, my friends, my worldly possesions...not once was i asked to suffer anything for the church...only my time and faith...and yet here i sit wondering why i couldnt even give that???? where does that put me? where do i stand...now that i know where i could be and where i should be what will i do? do i have it in me to do what is right? to give little for the love of man kind and my lord.....oh how i hope i can put myself aside and become the one to do what needs to be done.